a gamely sort

i'm not someone with a particularly remarkable propensity for affirmations - that is, not someone who was or is generally and always known for just saying "okay!" and being chill, or eager, or indifferent. i suppose i've said okay enough times. just enough to be normal. normatively okay.

up for it. down for it. up and down, all the time.

i'm always changing - what's my game? why can't i ever stay the same?

there's nothing there to affirm, i suppose. but i'd like to. yes, i'd like to. okay! i said i'm okay.

i'd like to be okay.

and it's not such a notable mood, to have, to be, to rise and remain. it's only okay - yeah, we get it, okay.

who ever said we've got to take it so personally, when all we're saying is a simple yes?

what all of these questions mean to outline is that i wish i was so unencumbered in my propensity to agree, you see; in the things i want when i've found i do want them, in my earnestness incondition to draw.

actually, i do say okay - i say it much better and oft'ner than ever i once did when saying it wasn't a blessing and only would saddle me with adverse responsibility and no more answers nor smiles than i'd ever had, because i'd forget the questions i was supposed to ask, wouldn't i, and only find that what the informant told me was okay, alright, okay!

there's got to be a better way.

but the solution isn't to be playing it off, and insist that i never cared, not once, in the first place. no, the way is to own it, and let my ownest self be seen - be seen as sembled, not resembling someone else, anyone else, but me, and i'll be a gamely sort, i will, i'll go for it. you bet your bottom, i'll go for it.

i've gotta go for it. i've gotta go. gotta go on, not out, like a flame forever that flickers so bright as to ascertain its might unsevered and unbranded, in a picture one for moment...

okayyy. ownit.