on the merits of kicking one's own ass

That I, with all of my heart
(With all that I possess, in duplicate and in triplicate; in particulate that it should be measurable)
Should be tasked with the sense-making
The thematic idea which is love

Not too large for any one person, we insist
And that any one person, having reached the age by which persons are made marked mature
May carry this burden simply
With only professional help

As an adult, you must communicate
- oh, yes! always, always communicate
But never ever mention just what it is you need
(And never ever mention simple fact of how you bleed)

Having outgrown both my families
Those which nurture as well as those that were my nature
I am dissatisfied with the difficulty implicit in making one's own professional self an island
Maturity is a compulsion into which I refuse to give

Independence ! Independence ! Independence !
And no one must watch
No one *must* - no one has that responsibility
Must *no one* - no one has that ugly privilege

There can be no repayment
There can only be running away
But we cannot re-fund those debts
The inextricable burns as tightening rope

Tell me, you say, if I ever do a thing to make you cry
I'll kick my own ass
Of course, you'll do it yourself
Of course, there is nothing done together anymore

(If I don't tell you, you won't
(If I don't, you can't
(If you don't, I won't
Go on then and keep your heirloom secrets)

All on your own; all that you own
It's okay to have help
(It's not)
(it's not it's not it's not it's not)

You're responsible for kicking your own ass, past the age of twenty-five
But if you kick it a little early, consider all the holds barred up
Your only safehouse is the world
You cannot hide from the emptiness of what you are told is a family

A family which has clutched at talons cannot compare
To the new world, undulation is a function of the one
Keep your waves abated
Keep your buoy insingular

Don't call, when you come nearby
Don't call, when you're far away
Don't speak, and never again to dream
That you might know me

Social couch-surfing is very funny, I'm sure
Don't go until we've seen you!
But why am I bothering you?
It's not that much to look at, now that you know the shape

As if never again I reach for you
As if never again we two exchange
As if never once did we love each other
As if never once did I hope to share your world and your pain

Finally, we arrive to point:
There can be no separation, once we have loved
Once we have truly cared
As if ever I could leave you, and soil deep that pain

You know what I look like
You know who I am
And only for that absence should be gated by fondness
Please, don't let me make you cry

my poems have been so samey. perhaps it just goes to show that the feeling - the dissatisfaction - is that deep. but i would like something lovely again soon. i shall attempt...