broke my own damn heart

all your landmarks, all your bullshit
from your propagating pulpit
mr tadpole in the bullpen
fresh to wink and get your kicked in

what does it mean to me?

broke my own damn heart
all over someone that i couldn't
see, couldn't believe
couldn't be me

all because i couldn't be anything

and now i'll never learn to play the bassoon
you know, not never, not anytime soon
no matter how ever-impossibly expensive
no bocal, no reed; just reading, just pensive

i cashed in my carpooling chips right here

all just vanity, it's really insanity
my joue fixation an outsize calamity
but i'll swiftly yield my claim to fame
of course, one player, hardly a game

sure, it's all in my head, you said

my mind, full-wracked, my panic attack
my neck and my back a-twitching with slack
my eyes averted, my guise inserted
dossier of desire, feelings unacquired

but we're all awkward. it's okay!

i only wanted to fall asleep
to borrow your sweater, not to keep
wear it, don't wash it: tomorrow, return
not for anyone else. for me alone to earn

yet still the empty queue bears freefold complexity

and i hope you die, you know
i hope we both die
just not real bloody, like
(i hope i die, and i hope it kills you)