types of laughter

i need someone who loves me to ask me a question
(i need the question to come from someone who loves me)

i need to breathe out and nod long
but without the love, i'm just performing
how can i sigh, sigh, sigh

not for someone who doesn't love me. not for someone i don't love.
(and it's not that i don't appreciate them, it's not that i don't love easily, it's not that i can't love anyone for any reason regardless of any money or other transactionality that may be involved, it's not that i don't want to)

not for someone, i suppose, who couldn't laugh at me.
not for someone who absolutely wouldn't.
someone who could, but chooses not to.
someone who sympathizes.
someone who loves me.

i have some trouble with love given as teasing. with laughter that's not a reaction to something clever or quaint - something witty, something smart that doesn't smart
(or, if it smarts, i've got to already be laughing at myself. obviously. and i try to make that sound smart, too.)

you can't be laughing with me if i don't think it's funny.
you can't be laughing with me if i'm not laughing first.

don't laugh at me! how vain must be my cries - don't laugh at me!

but you smirk and you chuckle and you shrug
to you it's funny. i'm funny. ah, the mistakes of youth

and your laughter belies no fear, responds to no urgency
someone who could be afraid of me, but chooses not to be.
someone who could be afraid with me, but chooses not to be.
someone who could be afraid for me, and is, and chooses to be.

i need someone i love to choose to ask me a question.
i need someone i love to love me back.