as we are

i can feel my head, now. dying as mother said, now.

round and fuzzy, velveteen - a saggy rabbit reaches out to be seen.

i will become so real, i will, i'll bleed like anyone else, love spill.

love overflow. love out of sector. love sweet and ambrosiac. love affidavit nectar.

(promise, promise, promise) (say you'll do it, say you promise)

i'll be messy beyond my mind and i'll take turns out of time.

but that's not as i am. that's as i wish to be.

as i am is only impulses, only stretches and bent and bust.

i don't care about your promise. it's not that serious, if i'm honest.

i can feel my head, now. it's shaped just like anyone else.

does it scare you, to see-

-the way i express myself, it's me.

that i might, in fact, in me, have something different than you thought.

that i might, in fact, beyond the fence, have ironed out my wrought.

and i ought to out-apologize, explain myself this fess.

i ought not to make surprising just how real i am a mess.

but my head is neat and tidy. my head is perfect sound.

my head is undefinable, its roots struck underground.

and i've been saying it for years, just waiting out along my fears.

i did 'cause i could and 'cause i'm growing all the time.

do you deny that it's ingratiation? that i everything i do is to garner love, support and affection?

my actions and my words together is for love, security. for your love, as well as for my own. can't you see?

so let me peel back every cold-cultured curse that causes me to act this way; let me expire the long-forgotten promises that you'd not mind a bit, no matter what i say.

let me shave from my head the mask of normality, the mold i fit up so that you'll still be my star.

promise me you'll love me as i live - as i are.