(in)hu(m)an(ity)

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this one i believe i wrote shortly after pondering about and subsequently finding this post in relation to the difficult dichotomy of a-spec coding (though i think i must not have even parsed the fact that it was about SNW at the time. LOL?) more notes to follow

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I want, I want, I want.

I want.

And having is never such the same thing at all as wanting.

Arguably, it is not necessarily in human essence for to have and to hold. Anything can.

A nonsentient robot can have, and even if it cannot do that, it most certainly can hold.

And thus, what must you want?

Not sex. Not love. Connection. Do not exist alone.

You cannot be alone, for you are alone if you are alone.

But he fights it. Like a devil served data-cold, he fights it, phasers and phylums attuned and attenuated.

I cannot be human. I do not want to be human. It is not about the fact that I am, in no small part, human.

It is about the fact that I want.

I want companionship - a sounding board, or true listening ears?

To hear me. Perhaps, also, to agree with me. To listen, then respond in kind.

As he does. As he always does. As his capacity is endless and undying, as he is the sun upon the moon.

Does it not debase me to think such things? Am I not lesser for feeling such directed emotion?

For that is the problem. I do not feel it as a weakness. It is only my nature.

Whose nature is it to bid me stop?

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2022/06/15 @ 00:25 UTC

mapping "robotic"/brusque/eccentric characters to being a-spec -> bad, pretty much

this [the idea of an even demi(sexual/romantic) Spock being "completed" by Kirk creating an analogue to people who don't experience romantic or sexual attraction considered to be "better" or "fixed" if they suddenly feel those things at last in the one special case everyone ~obviously~ must have] -> not necessarily better??

2022/06/15 @ 00:25 UTC

in general it's a weird cycle of contradiction because every attempt not to stereotype can engender an attempt not to seem as attempting not to stereotype, and so on and so forth, and of course if this leads to a truly diverse pool, great, but...i'm in trouble

2022/06/17 @ 19:48 UTC

holy shit i was searching for something else (other people feeling like they're oppressive and in the wrong for not being ace) but okay. good to know https://www.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/vb1472/they_stole_spock

there was a discord screenshot in the first tweet and i had a hard time unraveling the logic therein tbh (this edit 07/09/23)