In Too Deep

Even with a cracked Core, Malos still has an Aegis's (a Blade's, really, but we'll allow him the extra superficial distinction) perfect memory - what he has forgotten may be lost forever, but for priority data acquired going forward, the reception and the recollection is immaculate.

In other words, he remembers every word Jin's ever spoken to him. Every speck of disdain, every scrap of affection. The approval, the respect, the emotions and the drive...he leaves aside remnants of Amalthus, marks them for deletion bit by bit, not because he is eager to forget the horrid man but because he is hopeful, too hopeful, that new knowledge will be able to fill those gaps, those mysteries about his origin and his purpose.

He loses his grounding. It's not as if he likes having been born in and of Indol. It's not as if he treasures those memories, cherishes and covets them when he loses them, but if they are truly all he has to go off of in this mortal world, what is he doing letting them go?

Jin knows. Jin will know, eventually. Jin has to. He's in charge; Malos is just the grunt. Malos has the power but not the precision, the strength but not the speed.

It feels weird to swear by this mythical "father" figure, so he doesn't do it. Damn, what's he even any good for? What can he even do that Jin can't?

On the other side of the bunk, where they are experimenting with the more corporeal and human experience of sleeping (and this in a far different way to any practice Jin had gotten in those first last - last first seventeen years, because he'd never slept alongside another, only over them as appointed watcher), Jin wonders the same thing.

Malos has promised everything to him. Malos is the one with the divine gifts, the unseen corruption. Malos is the one who can give everything, who can accomplish what they both so supposedly want.

So what's his purpose? Why is he even still here?

Is it really because of Lora? Is it really for Lora?

How much longer can he convince himself that it's her ghost beating at his chest from the inside out, telling him to wait, to wait, to wait?

How selfish, to be holding onto her memory. How ignorant, to be stuck in the past.

Time moves. People change. Growth occurs, sometimes under- and sometimes over-.

No, you can't stop time. It's a basic fact. Along with it, there is the underlying current of the Aegises' wills, born from whence Jin will never know.

What is Malos even doing here with a decrepit Flesh Eater who can barely sustain himself past the week's fights? He's far too genuine to just be lying about what he wants, what he feels, until he restores the full extent of his powers.

What does he want? How deep in is he mired?

Surely it can't be love. He's never known it.

Groaning, Malos runs a hand over the facing cheekbone and turns even farther down towards the floor. They're lost, and they're not even at sea.

Surely Jin can't be confused. He's never known it.