literally malware bro
realizing over this summer that while i cannot and never have been able to stand the incinerating secondhand embarrassment of watching let's players, i do enjoy watching an experienced and knowledgeable player, namely a speedrunner, play a randomizer. so i went and hunted down the MajinPhil soundbite that's been stuck in my head (not even sure if this is the right one. title is meant to be read more sardonically) as of late. of course zelda games are not subject to the same danger of wild subjective misinterpretations that xeno might be but
"Your ass is grass, Mythra!"
In all her divine instructions, Mythra has no earthly idea why Malos seems so determined to extinguish her like a flare so for many flies. Is it really just his unholy gamer rage?
Mythra has gamer rage too, but it's not potent like that. In fact, most of the time she doesn't really feel like doing much of anything. Just what Addam tells her - and, you know, he has to actually tell her.
Malos is so...autonomous. It's kinda creepy, in a way.
How can anyone be so certain of what it is they're meant to do? Why they're here?
Certainly the Tornan Drivers don't seem to have much of an idea. Lora claims she's here for her loved ones, and to pave a path for children; to make a better station for herself and her Blades than they've ever had, up to this point. Addam wants to move down stations, meanwhile, and just get this damn thing over with. Which, of course, Mythra can appreciate.
It's just that her job only exists in relation to Malos. Which, like, sucks.
Which, like, royally sucks and makes Mythra feel like she'd rather be the one wrecking shit, sometimes, if only it'd get her out of playing the reactionary. Catch-up. Sore, defiant loser.
She doesn't want to talk to Malos. There'd be no point. Since Mythra knows from trying to change an Aegis's mind, and worldview, and makeup. She hasn't really budged all that much from refusing to be anyone's anything. She's sort of the most rebellious a Blade's ever been, actually. And look how much good it's done.
Amalthus.
Her fists curl around the upa-stuffed bun she's holding, somewhat squarely mangling the "whole" part of it. It makes a grisly crunch.
It's not that there's anything she'd rather be doing. Not like she's pissed at Malos for wasting her time, or anything. But, traveling with Jin for long enough, the moss of a Blade's eternal, hopeless frustration has started to grow on Mythra's back, too.
Why do Blades get to be conditioned like that? Why is it so immediate, so irreversible?
She's heard whispers about her, that she's bratty because Addam doesn't have the stones to be a good father. And she used to believe it, honestly - both halves, though realistically if Addam were presented with an infant he'd probably have a lot longer to iron out his inconsistencies. The kid'd be okay, Mythra's pretty sure.
But Malos is like that too, isn't he? Cocky, and petty, and a smart-ass. And Amalthus isn't any of those things, really. More arrogant, if anything.
No, Mythra's personality problems, if you can even call them that (what's so wrong with how she acts, anyway? not hurting anybody who can't take it), don't come from her Driver.
It's more that Addam has his head up his own ass in the opposite way.
What are we even doing here?
Maybe Malos is right. Maybe the only way to solve Alrest's issues really is to torch the whole place. Maybe the only way to get rid of Malos, the symptom and the spoiling affliction just as much as he purports to be the cure, is to get rid of the kind of world that could have created him.
It's not just Amalthus, or Indol, either. It's the Gorts, the Zettars, the Tornan monarchs of antiquity who set the price on Jin's head that follows him to this day.
Everyone has anger in their heart. If not anger, fear. Mythra has some of both, swirling together in her vestibular system all the time.
The question now is whether she's more afraid of Malos or angry at him.
Afraid for Malos? Angry for Malos?
Those would be signs of compassion, which Mythra is still lacking in. At least, she refuses to let herself think otherwise. Oh, yeah. Do it to them before they do it to you. Classic.
But Malos isn't afraid. Half the time Mythra isn't sure he's even angry. Righteous anger? Puh-lease.
Oh, what a well-made world.
So Mythra finishes her sandwich, wondering idly whether or not Malos would be any good at cooking, or if he's ever tried it. If he's ever had the chance. She supposes she can understand why she's not - impatience, or something like that - and has decided to wait on Lora's orphanage to set up shop for a crack at baking, with its exact science of measurements, in a real kitchen with a real oven.
(A normal person's oven, and not Aletta Manor's could-stand-to-be-bigger-but-still-huge excess.)
Buuut, in order for Lora's orphanage to get going, there'd need to be orphans around, and a world peaceful enough for her to build it. Funny, isn't it? Because in a world with no war, it wouldn't matter. There wouldn't be abandoned children. They'd have relatives, neighbors, communities to take them in. Mountains and forests wouldn't be collapsing from wanton overextraction. Hell, medicine would probably advance faster, and there wouldn't be as many sick parents. Or sick kids, for that matter.
Well. Mythra shouldn't be so idealistic as to think that without the human tendency to start war, there wouldn't be any other, ancillary conflict left over, but...y'know. In the impossible reality where humans don't start wars, they also don't rape, pillage, loot, burn, et cetera. It's all a naked lust for power, or whatever.
And, if humans didn't have Blades to exploit, they'd probably be exploiting each other even more often than they already do.
"It's not Malos's fault," she mutters to herself. Because she's always been so insistent, for the past year, that whatever she does that people don't like, it's not her fault - he said, she said, I wasn't, you started it, they looked at us funny, you don't get it, I'm just DOING what you TOLD me to do!
Malos doesn't argue. He doesn't have to. Force speaks, and the world respects it. Fears it. Balks, but doesn't rebuke. If this is truly the Architect's will...
No one's ever questioned Mythra about her share of deliverance, providence, common sense.
Malos can control his power, in terms of output. But he can't control who he uses it on, can he?
Well. Better that he turns it on her, his partner and supposed equal, than anyone else. Better that she's the one he has beef with.
Yeah, her ass is grass. And the Architect hasn't so much as looked at his lawn in a few millennia.
wasted soooo much time looking through the rupee randomizer video for this clip. just because funny. and maybe also relevant