take(s) me back

a poison dart takes hold in my chest, spreading terror to every bloody cell
knowledge, clear as from god's own mouth, tells me i must not be here now

i must go back. i must return.
there and then is where and when
i'm meant to be
always

always
without variation
make me a simpler organism
i will go back. i will return.

i have what you said as my perfect anchor
your promise to me and assertion
i have the music we played, an idle tapestry
it can never mean nothing again

so insistently, i'm running back
to how i was in that moment
i knew less and more than i ever have

and i was not sick, when you said it to me
i was not weak, where you led me to be

but now i am feeble, waning, staggered
i can feel so keenly the difference between me and my
adoration, adolescence, abdication, ambition

if i know that it's over, why do i stay?
why am i crying today, today

how can i go back, as easily as you do?
with the magnification of unlived age

imagine me, so bleakly impervious
your words have already expired
no sooner did they leave your mouth than did they die

what could i have done, then?
why am i drowning in the current rushing by?

make me a stone in the stream and sink me
drop me right here, where we always have been

when you walk the path we both have wandered
i will bite a stumble into your descending sole

and you will know me content to be one thing only
to never again be so rottenly torn

i'll be so well and clean and static
i'll be so blissfully alone