a face only a brother could love

"Rael," Dim nodded, curtly. Then he frowned, squinted. "Are you out of breath?"

"Well, yeah," Rael replied, but soon thought better of it and paused to take another few inhales and exhales. Okay. Take two. "I was running all over the damn village trying to find your house. Or Cres's house, or whoever's house this is." He took a quick glance around him. "Right, yeah. The clinic. Nothing to tell it on the map or by eye. Shouldn't the doctor have a sign up saying, I don't know, 'Sick People Line Up Here'?"

Dim shrugged. "Lethe is a small village. Everyone knows where everything is."

And when they don't, someone shows them. Right.

"Still doesn't justify the clinic being almost all the way up the hill. The only building higher up is the mayor's, but I guess he needs to get his steps in. Oh, actually, yeah, he definitely does, because he thinks I'm lazy!"

"Why would the mayor think you're lazy?"

"I don't know," fenced Rael, suddenly much less confident in such an adamant conclusion, "he said I 'must have all sorts of trouble getting up in the morning.' So obviously he doesn't have a very high opinion of me."

Dim, too, looked unimpressed. "I think you might just have been getting to Lethe later than he expected."

"Yeah, and? Lazy! He thinks I'm lazy because I went to the Njord Steppe to look for Hard Stone instead of busybodying myself into his town's shops first thing."

And then, of course, putting those trips on the morning docket had been useless anyway, because the kids' secret hideout turned out to be a more reliable source anyway. He finally had the hammer put together, though he hadn't yet invested in enough seeds to make the extra plots necessary. Just the satisfaction of busting up the rocks, anyway. But, one day lost, another few hundred grilla gained. It wasn't worth worrying about.

The mayor's opinion of him had to be much more important. The fact that he'd trusted Rael with the spare land and building up on the Brae was evidence enough to the contrary of any firm sour judgement, but still...

"No, he thinks you're having a hard time because you're suffering from fatigue and amnesia. I may not be looking you over every time I see you like my sister does, but I still know what that looks like."

It had to be Dim's unflappable, somehow-not-superior nature that made Rael want to roll his eyes. He didn't feel weak, so why did everyone expect it of him?

But then, he was surprised by the sound of his own voice half the time, especially when swinging a blade, while everyone else seemed to be in easy agreement that he was a he, and that did suit. Might as well keep talking and getting himself used to it.

"And why are there so many Storage Boxes? I get that this shed - cottage, I would call it - was abandoned in a bit of a hurry, but there's one by the Shipment Box, one by the trail, and another one in the house. If they're all connected, what's the point of having three all within walking distance of each other?"

"Dunno. Better a few yards apart than all stacked next to each other, right?"

Now Rael really did emote his annoyance. "Gee, I sure seem to have a lot of an opinions for an amnesiac, huh?"

"No need to get offended. What you know or don't know is your own business."

"Well, not to make it your business," Rael said with hand on hip, for lack of any other stance, "but aren't there any other forms of clothing available in this village?"

"Something wrong with the way we dress?"

"Actually, if I could dress like you, I think I'd be a lot happier."

Dim turned, made an obvious show of panning his gaze from Rael's bangs to his boots. "Lot less plain than most folks in the village. What's wrong with it?"

Rael would have expected Dim to comment on its frivolousness, himself.

"It's feminine. I'd like bulkier boots, longer shorts. Maybe some actual sleeves."

"Must have been some reason you're dressed like that, though." The end of his reply indicated Dim's more-than-passing interest, and he didn't turn his head back to his work. "You're sure?"

"Absolutely. And if I don't remember where I am, or even who I am, for the most part, what better time to change?"

"Aren't you Rael?"

"Rael? Yeah, I am. I hope there isn't anything else I am. As far as names of one's own choosing, I really like it."

Unfortunately for Rael, his furtive glance to Dim to check that he wasn't about to be the target of either more apathy or outright ridicule was interpreted as a pointed one.

"Hey, focus on yourself."

"Oh, I didn't mean-"

"You think I didn't get my unfair share of being called Dim the Dim when I was a kid?"

Well. Fair enough. Rael decided he'd roll with it.

"I'd rather be Stumblebum than a poor, precious princess who can't be trusted to build his own hammer."

(Why, indeed, were the shops in Lethe so important? What did they have to offer that Rael couldn't figure out himself? Crafting table and all.)

"And you think your clothing makes people look at you like that?"

"Well, not even. It makes me feel like that. I know I've gotta get up every morning and water the crops, put the harvest out for shipment - and I'd be a lot more messed up if the yield didn't last at least a day sitting around, when I forget. I have things I need to do, tasks I can fill the day with. But if I go back up to Bird's Eye Brae and just sit on my bed, no crafting or cooking to do, I don't know who I am."

Not even anger at the world could sustain - like Aria might have had, maybe. It was just...all a wash. Use every last minute, or let the days pass?

"There's your first mistake. You should go up to the hilltop and sit with the birds. Cres isn't just filling the air when she stresses the importance of rest and self-care, you know. Are you eating even if you know you'll be turning in early? Or even just in enough time not to fall faint."

"As if you don't spend enough time inside getting irritated when I distract you. No, that's not the problem."

"You'd be surprised," Dim replied in an uncharacteristically sing-song tone. Maybe that was where his involvement with this was going to end. Even the amount of thoroughness and concern he'd just displayed was strange, even...maybe even a little bit touching.

"Isn't there anything you've outgrown and don't care about anymore? Honest, I've got no standards. Any scraps, anything."

"Why are you asking me? There are other men in the village."

Rael shrugged, trying to bring the atmosphere back to nonchalance. "You're a doctor's apprentice, right? Or thereabouts. Maybe you can add this to your checklist, when you do the rounds. Mental health, hobbies. Identity, sense of self."

Sighing, Dim moved one knee to open his chair away from the desk. "If I give you my boots that got mangled last time I got caught outside during Quietus, will you promise never to bring that up ever again?"

At Rael's salute, he sighed again and made his way to the stairs. Called back while stopping at the foot, but without looking Rael's way: "Only other thing I'm gonna say. Try letting your hair down. Might do something for you."

Might...might do, yeah. Because, thought Rael, if I don't feel lazy, then I won't care what the mayor thinks. Or what Dim thinks, really.

(Citation needed.)

Because I'll be somebody. And I am somebody. I'm me, after all.